Diet Diary

(March 6 - 6:15AM) After one day of eating just fruits and vegetables, I've lost thirty pounds. It proves my editorial cartoon critics were right in saying I'm full of shit.

(March 6 - 7:17AM) It's been an hour and I've lost another twenty pounds by eating just fruits and vegetables. Total weight loss in less than two days is now fifty pounds. Apparently, it is noticeable. This morning, my family mistook me for Angelina Jolie.

(March 6 - 7:45AM) A minor setback. While driving our sons to school, I spotted a Hostess Cupcake delivery truck. Ran it off the road. Ate entire contents. Gained fifty pounds. Back to square one. Need bail money.