BOOK REVIEW: Going Hog Wild

(Published 1945, paperback edition 141 pages)

To write a review of one of the most famous and influential 20th-Century books seems almost a waste of time. Mr. Orwell's classic is practically required reading in all American high schools. My son, who is in 8th grade, was assigned it. I haven't read "Animal Farm" in about ten years and gave it another whirl so my son and I could discuss it. The problem with kids tackling this classic at such a young age is they don't understand the times in which the book was written. I'm 51-years-old and rarely meet anyone who enjoyed reading "Animal Farm" while in school. Usually, it was after they had seasoned a little with age that they returned to Orwell's piece and found it much more insightful and enjoyable. This is sad because an early introduction to the author's book without understanding the historical context discourages kids from reading many other old, great works.

Mr. Orwell, whose actual name was Eric Blair, had a heck of a time getting this baby published. Despite being a socialist, the author was highly critical of Communism at a time in which the Soviet Union was our allies in the war against Adolf Hitler. My suggestion to readers is to first do a little research about Joseph Stalin (the pig Napolean) and Leon Trotsky (the pig Snowball) as well as understand how the Soviet Union and any totalitarian regime functions. It even takes a very brief broadside at religion depicted by the raven Moses.

"Animal Farm" is an important work explaining how people in power manipulate the ignorant masses and is very much relevant in even how democracies use propaganda (the sycophant pig Squealer) to sway public opinion. Mr. Orwell's two most famous books, "Animal Farm" and "1984" are not written in colorful prose but very much thought-provoking pieces that rightly make them worth reading.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #292)

Hard To Swallow

My sons, Zac (13) and Jon (12), had only a half day of school because of parent/teacher conferences. They both did well with their grades and we are proud of them. However, I'm more proud that Zac and some of his buddies went to Hannaford after school, purchased a small jar of mayonaisse as well as some vanilla pudding, emptied the mayo, replaced it with the pudding then went to a pizza joint where a bunch of their friends were hanging around and ate the so called "mayo" in front of them. The classmates were freaking out. That's my boy.

Muddled Meaning

(A recent Facebook posting)

MEYERS: Read a neat word I've never heard before but love the meaning and the playful-sounding nature of it. The word is 'gimcrackery.' It means cheap, showy, useless trinkets, trifles, ornaments etc. Heck, it could be my nickname.

MAC: I thought it meant when you were showing a little too much of your "behind" when bending over wearing gym shorts.

Picture This (March 30)

Picture This (March 29)

Airing Its Opinion

The red, rubber jar opener was needed after I struggled to remove the lid using my bare hand and my backside chimed in with an "it's hopeless" fart.

BOOK REVIEW: If You Build It They Will Come

(Originally published 1972, paperback edition 562 pages)

Mr. McCullough's "The Great Bridge" celebrates its 40th anniversary this year. The story is not only about the construction of The Brooklyn Bridge but also about the Roeblings who designed and guided their creation to its completion. With the exception of Boss Tweed and his cohorts, most of the people who inhabit the book were not familiar to me. It took 14 years (1869-1883) for the bridge to be built. An estimated twenty people died in the process.

The reader will learn about the brilliant, caustic creator, John Roebling (if he wasn't autistic I'll eat his friggin' bridge) and how his highly-intelligent, workaholic son, Washington, took on the responsibility of bringing the bridge into being. The story not only explains how they built it, but also gives a wonderful flavor of the times. The politics, corruption, greed, power struggles and ambition are all here. I was continually taken aback by the trials and tribulations involved in putting this baby together.

This is great history. What makes Mr. McCullough's books so good is his boyish enthusiasm for discovering and recreating the past. Every page is chockful of interesting material. I've read three of the author's later works; "Truman," "John Adams," and "Brave Companions." They are all excellent. "The Great Bridge" makes it four for four. You can't go wrong with this one.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #291)

A Twitter account that poked fun at former Gov. Angus King, a candidate for the U.S. Senate, has been suspended after King's campaign complained that tweets from "@King_Angus" could mislead people. ~~Instead, the campaign says to only trust tweets from the account belonging to "@Nobody_Can_Beat_Me2012!" http://goo.gl/Fmeaf

Oh Christ

While pulling out a pot to make Jon some oatmeal, a large measuring cup tumbled out and fell on the floor.

I jokingly said, "Jesus H. Christ." It's what Monique will sometimes say when she's extremely frustrated.

Jon asked, "Dad, would Mere (the name he uses for my mother) be upset with you if you said that in her house?"

Monique replied, "No. But she'd be upset, Jon, if YOU said it in her house."

I said, "No. My mother would be upset with ME if Jon used that saying in her house."

Picture This (March 26)

Sticking My Foot In My Mouth

My wife, Monique, rarely treats herself to clothes. She just ordered a few pair of shoes and was asking me what I thought. Nick was modeling two different colored sandals. One shoe was a light brown and the other was white.

I said, "They both look nice."

She said, "That's what I wanted to hear. Do you know that this is the first time I own a white pair of shoes?"

"Really?"

"Yup. White accentuates your feet and I've always been self-conscious of my big feet."

I slowly shook my head in annoyance, "Nick... you don't have big feet for a hobbit."

Lettuce Pray

It a good thing Easter's just around the corner. I'm eating so much raw vegetables like carrots, lettuce, green peppers and tomatoes (I know. I know. A tomato is really a fruit. Screw you. It's my posting), that I've grown long whiskers and a white, puffy cottontail like the Easter Bunny. Monique, however, could do without my new rabbit habit of hopping around the house and leaving handfuls of jellybean-shaped scat in every room.

Oops.

My African-American, 13-year-old son was texted this picture by a good friend. I'm guessing Mattel executives weren't up to speed on African-American putdowns. Just in case you don't know, "Oreo" is a derogatory term used to describe a black person who's acting white; black on the outside, white on the inside. I thought, "Well, Hell's bells, if they're gonna peddle this kind of shit they might as well have one making fun of rednecks."

And sure enough...

Worth the Weight

Scream & Scream 2, 3, & 4 actress Neve Campbell is pregnant with her first child.~~In 9 months, she'll star in Scream 5, 6, & 7.

Taking the Plunge

A skydiver yesterday safely parachuted to the ground from more than 13 miles up.  ~~How long did it take him? Not long, about the same amount of time as a Kim Kardashian marriage.

Mini-White House

A Texas man who’s obsessed with the White House has built a mini-Oval Office in his home. ~~ I wondered what Ross Perot was up to.

BOOK REVIEW: The Killing Season

(Originally published 1969, paperback edition 519 pages)

The late Mr. White's third chapter in his impressive four-volume series, yet again, is a stellar example of great reporting and wonderful writing. The book was originally published in 1969. Beyond documenting notable events in the horrible year of 1968, the author takes pains in depicting the major players as all too human. It is very interesting to read the hopes, fears and expectations of such an accomplished reporter while our country was dealing with the Vietnam War scarred by an American body count of over 27,000, political assassinations, race relations and violent student unrest.

For this book, Mr. White had close access to such notables as Richard Nixon, Hubert Humphrey, Lyndon Johnson, Bobby Kennedy, Eugene McCarthy, George Romney, Ronald Reagan, Nelson Rockefeller and Chicago's Richard Daley. 1968 was a mess. Here's just some of the stuff that happened: the Tet Offense occurred in January which made our nation realize the government had been lying about our progress in Vietnam; Martin Luther King was assassinated in April; President Johnson decided not to run for reelection; student demonstrations on campuses culminating in their childish, violent antics at the Democrats' national convention in Chicago; race riots; and George Wallace's racist campaign that did have a major impact on the election. You also get to witness the new Republican strategy of capitalizing on the cultural divisions between the North and South and hints of Ronald Reagan's road to future victory. It was especially haunting to read Mr. White's passage about interviewing Bobby Kennedy on the afternoon before the candidate was killed. The nation was scared and angry. You certainly can't blame them. Yet, despite all the problems, the liberal Mr. White had high hopes for President Nixon. Watergate was four years away.

This is simply outstanding reporting and topnotch history. The book helps put the silliness of the 2012 election into proper perspective.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #290)

Picture This (March 16)

It Ought To Be A Crime

My 12-year-old son, Jon asked, "Dad, what does biracial mean?"

I replied, "It's a person who is a mixture of two races. A good example of someone who's biracial is Halle Berry. One of her parents is white and the other is black."

"Who's Halle Berry?"

"ACK! You're shitting me? You know who Halle Berry is."

"Nope."

"She's this gorgeous black actress. My God..." I looked at my other son who is 13 years old and was sitting in the living room, "Zac, you know who she is? Don't you?"

Zac replied, "I've heard of her but I don't know what she looks like."

"You guys are so friggin' grounded."

Driving Me Nuts

It's a hell of a way to start the work day by me having a major heart attack and shitting in my pants while at my computer because our friggin' barking-mad dogs spotted a goddamn red squirrel on our porch.

Bearly Awake

This morning, I opened our teenage son's bedroom door, stuck my head in and said, "Zac..."

He replied, "..."

"Zac!"

"..."

"ZAC!!"

"Huh!"

"Do you want to take the bus or drive in with Jon?"

"Mumblemumblemumblezzzzz..."

(TRANSLATION) "Piss off."

Picture This (March 15)

Mr. Clean Meyers

The shower felt GREAT.

Final Death Toll: 52 head lice, 83 fleas and 101 crabs.

It is a substantial amount considering that my body is as hairy as an orange.

Picture This (March 14)

What's Eating You?

This conversation took place yesterday between Mac and me.

Meyers: "The diet must be working. I'm fucking pissed off all the time."

Mac: "So, you've always been on a diet?"

Picture This (March 13)

Picture This (March 12)

My Cross To Bear

Cleaned the house, helped Jon with his school work, did a lot of chores that have been neglected. One of the downsides of being agnostic is that I can't use the excuse that it's against my religion to work on the Sabbath.

Picture This (March 9)

I'm Gonna Make Somebody Cross

At the funeral we attended yesterday, I looked up at the crucifix and saw the letters 'INRI.' Huh... Even after being raised Catholic, I still didn't know or forgot what the Latin letters stood for. Finally, after all these years, I looked it up on the Internet. It means, "Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews." Which makes more sense than my first guess of "Indiana & Rhode Island."

I Want One Of These Dogs

Picture This (March 8)

The Oatmeal Deal

Clearly, my parents having gone through the Great Depression has also had an influence on me. Our son, Jon, just ate two-thirds of his bowl of oatmeal and was full. He set the rest on the kitchen counter. Twenty minutes later, I noticed the remains sitting in the bowl. My parents never threw food away. During my childhood, leftovers were one of our family's Ten Commandments. So I ate that god-awful, third-of-a-serving of Jon's cold oatmeal as my breakfast and now I'm pissed at my friggin' parents.

Picture This (March 7)

Diet Diary

(March 6 - 6:15AM) After one day of eating just fruits and vegetables, I've lost thirty pounds. It proves my editorial cartoon critics were right in saying I'm full of shit.

(March 6 - 7:17AM) It's been an hour and I've lost another twenty pounds by eating just fruits and vegetables. Total weight loss in less than two days is now fifty pounds. Apparently, it is noticeable. This morning, my family mistook me for Angelina Jolie.

(March 6 - 7:45AM) A minor setback. While driving our sons to school, I spotted a Hostess Cupcake delivery truck. Ran it off the road. Ate entire contents. Gained fifty pounds. Back to square one. Need bail money.

BOOK REVIEW: A Mixed Bag Of Nuts

(Published 2006, paperback edition 304 pages)

Mr. Hiaasen is up to his usual tricks. As with most of his fictional work, the author's liberal, lighthearted leanings are hard to miss. The two most offensive people in this ten-character ensemble are a telemarketer and a randy, idiot owner of a fish store. The born-and-raised Floridian, Mr. Hiaasen, has impeccable comic timing and likes to show the non-tourist side of his state. His books are not meant as high-minded literature, but more of a fast food nature. There is no true value to "Nature Girl" except for laughs and, unless you have no sense of humor, there are plenty in this absured book. It's a great beach read or if you're in need of a pick-me-up.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #289)

Picture This (March 6)

Good Grief And Good Riddance.

I just couldn't take it anymore. I put up with it for three, very long months. It was driving me friggin' crazy... or I should say crazier. I shaved the Van Dyke off. It's good to be back to looking like an old, crackhead Charlie Brown.

A Moving Experience

New all fruit-and-vegetable diet has caused me to have intense prayer vigil in the bathroom; asking God to please make it stop. Oh dear God, pleeeeease make it stop.

Picture This (March 5)

Making A Stink

While in the department store, my old friend, Phil, asked about my son,  "Where's Zac? Is he looking for shirts?"

I replied, "Nope. He's in the bathroom finding inner peace."

Phil said, "I doubt he's finding much peace. I was in there right before him."

Cluck Cluck Cluck

This is what I posted on Facebook: For his birthday, today (March 3), Jon (age 12)wanted to rent Paranormal Activity 3. Monique and I aren't big fans of horror movies. I refused to watch it, so I'm in the other room with the door closed. While reading, I just heard Monique scream so loud that our dog, Pete, woke up with a what-the-fuck look on his face. Monique is a very smart woman, but apparently not today. Guaranteed she's not going to sleep well tonight. Maybe when she eventually falls asleep, I'll grab her arm and yell, "BLAH!!" Divorce proceedings will soon follow.

Lori, one of my Facebook friends, responded: Chickenshits.

My reply: Damn right. Just tell us where to lay our eggs.

Picture This (March 4)

Welcome To My Nightmare

Last night, I had a nightmare. It caused me to toss and turn and eventually wake up. In the dream, I was reading a book and it developed an ugly crease in its binding. That's it. That was my nightmare. Sweet Jesus, I'm a prime candidate for a lobotomy.

Picture This (March 3)

Can You Dig It?

Monique just upgraded her iPhone3GS to an iPhone4S. It has a function called Siri in which you can verbally ask it a question and it will look up options for you. What's the first question my lovely wife asked it? "How do you hide a dead body?" Siri not only gave her quite a few options, but guaranteed that I'll never get a good night's sleep ever again.

Sick Of It

A gentleman, who used to live in our Maine neighborhood, was too poor to afford health insurance. Like an estimated 59 million Americans, the 50ish-year-old man didn't have yearly physicals. He used to but not anymore. Unlike people who live in other industrialized countries where they  have universal health care, he ignored or made excuses for the occasional chest pains that came his way because health care is so damn expensive. Yesterday, after snowblowing his driveway, he walked into his home feeling dizzy, suffered a massive heart attack and died.

But, hey, if you take the pinheaded mind-set of the Tea Partiers at one of this year's GOP debates, fuck 'em. It doesn't matter he leaves behind two teenage kids, an ex-wife, a girlfriend, relatives and friends who loved him. So what if he's a human being whose early death could have been prevented. He's nothing. You don't know him. Right? Fuck 'em. That's what a civilized society does to our disadvantaged? Blame the victim. Find excuses to ignore the 59 million by saying that "it was God's plan" or "he deserved it" or "it's his fault" or "who cares?" He was a nice man who had traits which made it difficult for him to economically succeed in our dog-eat-dog world. He needed help. But so what? Fuck 'em. Right? Many Americans say we're the greatest country in the world. Not from my vantage point. A human being prematurely died yesterday because, like so many in this country, he couldn't afford simple health care.

I have met and talked with oodles of hard working people who don't have health insurance or the means to pay even for simple checkups. They're scared and they are of all political persuasions; liberal, conservative and independents. Blaming the victim isn't humane, Christian or moral. But what the hell. That's the American way. Right? Fuck 'em.

Steve Martin Tribute To Paul Simon

Picture This (March 2)

Picture This (March 1)