BOOK REVIEW: I'll Drink To That

(Originally published 2011, Hardcover edition 313 pages)

Beyond the occasional dry patch of weather or a power outage that prevents the well pump from working, I've always taken water for granted here in Maine. Mr. Fishman's very entertaining and informative book drastically changed my perception. The author correctly states that rivalry over water quickly becomes an argument about priorities, values, and lifestyles. He does an excellent job of showing how our cultural attitudes about water dramatically effect how it is utilized and how many times it leads to unnecessary, dire consequences.

Mr. Fishman first explains the properties and origin of water. Then he covers such locales as Las Vegas which is surprisingly at the forefront of smart water practices as compared to the area around Atlanta that is most certainly not. Mr. Fishman visits IBM's water facility in Burlington, Vermont to explain the economics and science behind specialized water such as used in the making of computer chips. The author then takes a few chapters to explain the serious nature of Australia's decade-long drought and the politics as well as science involved in trying to survive with not enough water. He then jumps over to India which is a blueprint of how NOT to maintain and manage potable water. India's once great distribution system has fallen into such a crazy dysfunctional paradigm that only someone on LSD could likely appreciate it. Not surprisingly, the author also covers the irony of purchasing bottled water.

Mr. Fishman correctly states that no nation or area of our country is impervious to developing water problems. This is a smart book that challenges the reader to look outside the box about a valuable resource we take too much for granted.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #297)

Picture This (April 27)

Wok In

A Penny For Your Thoughts

We pulled up to the gas pumps at the Cumberland Farms convenience store. 

My 13-year-old son, Zac, said, "Oo! They have a Dunkin' Donuts. Can I have some money?"

I replied, "I only have $2... (fished into my pocket) and 35 cents."

(Pause)

"So... Can I have it?"

Fuck.

Gee... That Hits The Spot

(ONE OF THE HUFFINGTON POST ARTICLES FROM THE APRIL 24th ISSUE)

I thought, "OOO!!! OOO!!! I THINK I KNOW THIS ONE! I believe it's located in Schenectady, New York."

Like Father, Like Son

Zac flashed his laser light around the kitchen, "Here, Dad. Try it. It's cool. Press the silver button." Actually, the laser light is activated by pressing a little, indiscernible, black button on the side of the key chain. I extended my arm, pointing the key chain at the farthest wall, and pressed the silver button. "OUCH! What the fuck?" Zac began laughing and laughing. The silver button had sent a damn jolt through my finger. The laser light/ key chain is one of those novelty gag items used on suckers. #%*^%#*... I am reaping what I have sown.

Picture This (April 25)

Bad Business Names

These business establishments just might want to re-think their names. Click for the slideshow!

Happy Meal

In Australia a woman found a human penis in her Hungry Jack’s burger box. ~~ Stay away from the special sauce.

Dino-Might!!!

(RECAP OF 8TH-GRADER WASHINGTON DC TRIP) APRIL 20, 11:30AM

NATIONAL MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY

Besides a little kid accidentally headbutting me in the balls while I was strolling around the Jurrasic Period Exhibit, another interesting event occurred. I wondered about what kind of people visit this place? It was hoppin'. Practically elbow-to-elbow in some places.

 

The National Museum of Natural History is an outstanding institution celebrating science and discovery. Over 3.5 million people per year tour it. With those kind of numbers, some of the visitors must be Fundamentalist Christians and have got to be thinking the Jurrasic Period (which spanned between 205 million to 135 million years ago) Exhibit is a big ruse; a scientific conspiracy of massive fucking proportions supporting evolution.

 

Despite my groin hurting, I smiled. From that point on while I was in the museum, occasionally, I looked around at the other people and also entertained myself by quietly trying to guess which of the visitors might be batshit or not?

Rastafarian Republican

Ladies and gentlemen, my son, Zachary Meyers (age 13), visiting Washington D.C. on April 19, 2012.

Hey, man... His most righteousness, also known as Reggae Abe, be a sayin' ta ya, "like mi a go maas."

Chew On This

This article was on The Huffington Post.

I didn't know meals were supposed to last only a minute-and-a-half followed by a nap?

Picture This (April 16)

Picture This (April 15)

Green With Envy

And so it begins again. Ahab had his great, white whale and I have my obsession of finally owning a nice looking lawn. I will pursue it around the cul-de-sac and into perdition's flames before I give it up. If my chest was a cannon, I'd shoot my heart at our front yard.

Very Pet-ty

I'm A CCOKC

CCOKC - Child Celebrities Opposing Kirk Cameron - watch more funny videos

Aaaaaah, There's The Rub

Last night, Zac's left shoulder hurt from practicing 8th-grade LaCrosse. Does it make me a bad parent that I'm happy he's in pain because I love the smell of BenGay?

Oh, Baby Baby...

Monique opened the letter and said, "We've been invited to a baby shower. Both Justin and Mariah are hosting it."

I said, "Both of them are going to be there?"

"Yup. They're called a Jack-n-Jill Baby Shower... Oh... It says here that I'm only invited."

I clenched my fist, closed my eyes and said,

"Yeeeeesssssss."

Picture This (April 13)

BOOK REVIEW: Lust The Disease, Marriage The Cure?

(Originally published 2008, Hardcover edition 220 pages)

First of all, I am a 51-year-old, happily married, male feminist about to celebrate our 29th year of marriage. We have two, teenage sons. The author, Susan Squire, is also married and has a daughter. With that said, I must stress that this is not a man-bashing book. But, seriously, no person with half a brain can say with a straight face that men's treatment of women throughout history has been just dandy. Ms. Squire's work is a well-written journey through the evolution of marriage. So, please be warned... if you believe in Creationism, you're going to hate her book. If you believe there should be no criticism of anything between the pages of the Bible,... boy... you're definitely going to hate her book. If you quietly believe women are inferior to men, (yup, you guessed it) you're going to hate her book. And that's too bad because Ms. Squire does a wonderful job of explaining how marriage evolved into its present-day manifestation.

The book highlights what the author deems the three male strategies to oppress women: the patriarchal marriage where the rule of the father was supreme; the double standard of sexual fidelity that was very loose for the guys but seriously rigid for the gals; and lastly, a woman's place is at home. Thankfully, Ms. Squire brings a great deal of cheeky smarts to the table. The book is peppered with many funny comments about the odd reasoning religious leaders and "great thinkers" pulled out of their backsides to keep women under man's thumb. I'm tellin' ya, before science came along, adults' cause-and-effect reasoning for such things as pregnancy, menstration, and sexual attraction was right up there with the mental acuity of a banana. Ms. Squire focuses mostly on such notable subjects as Athens, Greece, St. Augustine, the Dark Ages (6th-11th Century), the battle between the Church and different aristocracies, the Black Plague, the looney brutal Inquisition, Martin Luther and concluding with the Reformation. She also highlights some now obscure individuals and literature that had an impact or represented the mindset of the masses.

Other books, such as Karen Armstrong's The Gospel According to Woman, do a more thorough job of showing how the Bible is misogynistic. Because the Bible and the Church had such a large reach over people's lives through most of Western history, Ms. Squire covers some of the same ground as Ms. Armstrong but with more fun and flare. As entertaining and informative as the author's argument is presented, it still saddened me to know that much of the Middle East and some pockets of Western culture still hold to the barbaric, female-oppressive, religious doctrines. Women still have a long way to go before most cultures accept them as equals to men. Everyone currently living on this planet will long have turned to dust before or IF that ever happens. An informative, entertaining read.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #296)

Lettuce Ponder

"By gosh..." I thought, "is it possible, just possible, that most people don't consider 3 heads of lettuce, 2 green peppers, 4 onions, 2 tomatoes, 36 croutons and 2 pounds of shredded cheddar cheese a small salad?"

(Also... Note to Self: Next time, stop reading the newspaper and make sure I'm paying attention to what I'm doing by shaking and opening the French-dressing bottle instead of shaking and opening the diet Pepsi can.)

Doll House

Get Thee To A Library

It's been four months since I last ordered some books from Amazon. My body is going through severe withdrawals; shakes, vomiting, stomach pains, flop sweat, swearing, hair loss, beastiality. I need a fix, man. Reeeal bad. The problem is I don't have any cash. Please send $1000 donations to the Steve-Meyers-Must-Be-Kept-Off-The-Streets-And-Away-From-Normal-People Fund. Thank you for your generous support.

Picture This (April 12)

Let's Get Physical

One Ringy Dingy

Why People Become Vegetarians

Having A Blast

(April 10 - 9:00PM)

Monique and I just ate Brussels sprouts. There's gonna be dueling derrières in the Meyers' bedroom tonight. It'll probably sound like the Guns of Navarone to our neighbors. Pray the dogs survive the night.

(April 11 - 5:00AM)

(It was touch-and-go for awhile, but the dogs survived.)

Picture This (April 11)

Wiped Out

BOOK REVIEW: Welcome To Bizarro World

(Originally published 2011, hardcover edition 226 pages)

Mr. Ferguson's memoir of negotiating the odd world of college admissions is simply an informative, laugh-out-loud adventure. This upper-middle-class dad's sarcasm keeps percolating to the surface due to his anxieties and frustrations of dealing with getting his first kid into a college. The author verbalizes what many parents are feeling about this whole experience. My wife and I have two, middle-school sons who intend on attending college and many, many moons have passed since both of us went through the ordeal of college admissions for ourselves.

Much has changed. I had never even heard of the profession of absurdly pricey, independent college admissions counselors. That alone tells you that the college nonsense has risen into the Bizarro world comparable to needing a tax preparer every April. Mr. Ferguson also covers areas such as the U.S. News & World Report College Ranking Book which involves its own level of administrators BSing to move up in the standings; the insane inflation of college tuition; the evolution and controversy involving the SATs; how students are selected; the silly touchy-feely essay applications demanded by most colleges; and, finally, the horror of horrors - struggling through the whole financial aid charade. Part memoir and part quasi-instruction manual, Mr. Ferguson gets to the nitty-gritty about the great motivator for colleges; money. The noble cause of the G.I. Bill and educating the masses for a better society is loooong gone.

As a nation, we seriously have gone over the deep end when it comes to attaining a higher education. Some of the facts the author dug up truly took my breath away and left a nervous lump in my stomach. Is paying such outrageous amounts of money and driving your family to the edge of penury worth it will not be answered, but the information between the pages of Mr. Ferguson's book are well worth your time. It can't hurt to be better informed and, heck, there are oodles of laughs to be had by the author's wonderful writing.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #295)

Picture This (April 10)

Driven To Distraction

We were zooming down the Maine Turnpike after visiting Monique's family in Auburn. I glanced over at my wife and saw she was sleeping. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could see our sons, Zac and Jon, were also in the Land of Nod. The three of them looked so peaceful. I was proud that my family had faith in me to keep them safe while driving. Which made it all the more important for me to fight the urge to lay my hand on the horn, slam on the brakes and scream at the top of my lungs just for kicks.

Picture This (April 9)

Bathroom Bunny

Happy Easter

It's best if you don't know how I made the chocolate eggs.

BOOK REVIEW: Dancing With The Devil

(Originally published 2009, paperback edition 211 pages)

All businesses continually try to externalize risk. The ever-widening gap between the haves and the have-nots is irrefutable. Ms. Dodson shows examples of how the moral quandry some mid-level employers and managers have when continually faced with employees who make substandard pay; otherwise know as the working poor. There have been other books such as William Ryan's 1971 book, "Blaming the Victim," that shown how middle-class Americans rationalize putting all the blame on the poor for their horrible situation. Ms. Dodson's brings the scenario into the present day. Much of the blame is now tailored as the working poor having bad work habits and bad reproductive habits.

Business and managers without empathy don't care one lick if an employee is struggling to make ends meet because of crappy wages and an ungodly work schedule. The companies don't care or ignore that the working poor's kids are alone and failing in school because of no parental involvement the businesses have caused. The companies don't care or ignore that the employees have no health care. Many of the examples in the author's book are about these exhausted people who are working two jobs and, justifiably, constantly living in fear. Many managers and executives take an Ann Rand approach, shrug their shoulders and continue to exploit their hapless quasi-slaves. Ms. Dodson believes the "moral underground" is a disorganized rebellion against corporate malfeasance. The book is basically many disjointed examples of people down on their luck. It also explains the logic of people in power for exploiting other human beings in such manners and, trust me, these suits sleep just fine at night.

If you have any empathy, you will find it a difficult read. I found most of the author's remedies to be unrealistic and incomplete. However, any time an author shines a light on the ugly underbelly of capitalism, they should be commended. In our country's current zeitgeist, the pursuit of profit and the acquisition of things as well as power and status has been at the expense of our humanity. It's well worth reading.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #294)

Liar. Liar. Pants On Fire

While reading "Crazy U" by Andrew Ferguson, I laughed at how humans always try to soft pedal certain of their actions that they know are wrong. Examples in the book are euphemisims used by colleges that admit kids of alumni; admissions calls them "legacies." Think President George W. Bush at Yale. There's no fucking way he would have been accepted at the prestigious college unless his daddy was a politically powerful alumni. W was a 'C' college student which basically means an 'F.'

 

Another euphemism used by an official at Colby College was how they lied and submitted false numbers to U.S. News & World Report's College Ranking edition. At least 25% of colleges falsify their stats to U.S News. The Colby official to soften the lie called it "numbers massage." LOL!! Pay attention how politicians, business people, oh hell, anyone uses words to marginalize their immoral actions.

 

President Reagan didn't say he raised "taxes;" the Gipper called them "revenue enhancers." The military doesn't say, "we killed innocent civilians;" it sounds much less horrific by using the term "collateral damage." Companies don't fire someone anymore; it's "downsizing." It's bullshit. Simple bullshit to make a person or enterprise sounds less horrible and culpable.

Picture This (April 7)

Leave It To Beaver

(THIS MORNING'S EXAMPLE OF WHY I WON'T BE MISTAKEN FOR BEAVER CLEAVER'S DAD)

I said to our 12-year-old son, "Jon, would you please feed the dogs."

He went from extremely animated and happy to mopey in the blink of an eye. After our son shuffled down to the basement and got the dog food, Jon still walked around like he was auditioning for a zombie roll in The Walking Dead.

I said, "Jesus, Jon... would you quit acting so friggin' morose. First you were all happy and just because you had to feed the dogs, now you're in a bad mood."

Jon replied, "Yeah but dad, I just came from the basement and you told me to go back down to get the dog food. You could have asked me BEFORE I went down the first time."

(AND HERE'S THE POINT WHERE THE BEAVE'S DAD WOULD HAVE TAKEN A DIFFERENT APPROACH)

I said, "Yes. I agree. I should have asked you before you had gone down the first time but I hadn't thought about it. Fuck, Jon, I just asked you to feed the damn dogs, not to cut off your left nut."

Picture This (April 6)

High Time That Package Came In

This package was in our mailbox. It was addressed to me, but I could not think what was inside? My 13-year-old son, Zac, deadpanned, "Oh... Thanks. That's my weed."

Picture This (April 5)

Picture This (April 4)

Picture This (April 3)

Dropping By

This actually happened to me in the Old Port many years ago. I found a spot on Exchange Street, ran into a little bookstore, came back out in... I swear to God... 3 or 4 minutes and our red Honda Hatchback was covered like this photo. The cars in front AND back of me didn't have one, friggin' bird turd. A woman was leaning against one of the store entryways while taking a cigarette break. She laughed at the shock on my face. I imagine I must have said, "Fuck." I do remember looking at her and saying, "Jesus, the seagulls sure get pissed around here if you don't feed the damn parking meter."

Picture This (April 2)

BOOK REVIEW: To Kill A Mockingjay

(Published 2008, paperback editon 374 pages)

Unless you live under a rock, you've heard about "The Hunger Games" and its two sequels. At the time of my writing this review, a little over 5,800 people have also posted on Amazon's site their take on the book. Overwhelmingly, adults and teens rate this baby within the four-and-five star category. It's pretty likely you'll enjoy the story. The movie is also into its second week of release and is justifiably doing gangbusters at the box office. I also just saw the film. It was well acted and keeps pretty close to the book with a few necessary embellishments for clarification and to keep the two-hour film moving along.

Ms. Collins' "The Hunger Games" is written in the first-person narrative. The main protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, conveys the right amount of fear, distrust, determination, confusion, anger et al on how a self-sufficent sixteen year old might react to being placed in such a horrible, bloody situation. Because you are witnessing the story through her eyes, you are just as lost and confused as Katniss is about certain events. The author has written a fast-paced, exciting story about survival and how people in power or oppressive governments can not only rationalize doing horrible things to weaker people but be entertained by such doings. This is not too far a stretch from our current, need-to-be-entertained, superficial society who love such reality shows as Survivor, Big Brother, or Fear Factor.

Look, "The Hunger Games" is a fun read. Its unlikely the book will be given out by a college professor as a reading assignment and that's okay. It's a well-written adventure that certainly left me hanging at the end and wanting to see how the relationships and danger evolves. Enjoy.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #293)

Picture This (April 1)