At The Present Moment...

An ad promotion in this morning's newspaper made me realize that if you can even PONDER the possibility of buying a brand new car for your spouse as a Christmas present then it is highly unlikely you and I are in the same income bracket.

Hit List

(A FATHER-&-SON MOMENT)

"No... No, Jon (age 12.) I don't think it's keeping with the spirit of Christmas by getting you, as a present, either a choke wire or brass knuckles that leave an imprint of the word 'douche' on a person's face."

Too Literal

(AND YET ANOTHER FATHER-&-SON MOMENT WHILE DRIVING)

We were having a discussion about school. Zac was having difficulties in one of his classes.

I said, "Well, Zac, all of us have subjects we're not good at."

Zac replied, "For you, it's every subject."

"Bite me... AAAAAAHH!!!! You friggin' bit me (on my right arm!)"

"You said to."

"No more zombie books or movies for you."

BOOK REVIEW: Chicago's Chronic Curmudgeon

(Originally published 1983, Paperback edition 320 pages)

You don't read the late Mike Royko's columns in the hopes they will give you warm fuzzy feelings. You read Royko because of the great writing, blunt style and painfully funny observations. This collection of newspaper columns are from the years 1973 through 1982. So naturally, the curmudgeon takes potshots at Presidents Nixon, Ford, Carter and Reagan. The columnist was an old school newspaperman. He was a streetwise liberal who was also a heavy-drinking, chainsmoking gadfly pounding out his little works of art on an old manual typewriter.

The book is broken up into topics and the columns are not listed chronologically. This I found irksome. I would rather have had them arranged in the sequence they were originally printed. The main sections deal with bars and drinking (no surprise there), government bureaucracy, sports (primarily baseball), social trends, relationships and celebrities. There are obituaries for such notables as Chicago Mayor Richard Daley (1976) and John Wayne (1979.) I found a few of the 90-or-so short columns to be dry, but they were the exceptions and not the rule. The works are a time capsule to a decade where he was able to write about the streaking fad, leaving Vietnam, Watergate, racist George Wallace, gay Republicans, feminists, Prince Charles' and Lady Diana's wedding, Frank Sinatra, Bob Dylan and superficial Hollywood.

I broke out laughing at what many in today's society would deem politically-incorrect descriptions. From accurately calling Senator Jessie Helms a rock head, Phyllis Schlafly a national nag, and Jane Fonda flighty or using colorful labels such as grim-lipped biddies or faggot, Mr. Royko never pulled punches. Ultimately, it is why he's my favorite columnist. The guy was insightful and knew how to wade through the BS to find the truth. Practically every column is dripping with sarcasm and many of the columns could be applied to today's issues. Mr. Royko's pieces are like eating a nutritional hot fudge sundae. Excellent.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #330)

BOOK REVIEW: More Moore's Maniacal Misadventures

 

(Originally published 1997, Paperback edition 325 pages)

The protagonist of the story, Tucker "Tuck" Case, who is a pilot and not exactly the brightest bulb on the planet, is also dealing with low self-esteem issues. Before the story settles down on a remote, Pacific island named Alualu, it is littered with quite a few colorful, characters. Through a series of misadventures Tuck eventually winds up on the dinky island. The place is inhabited by a modern medical building, an airstrip, two odd "missionaries," six Japanese guards, over three-hundred natives called the Shark People and a talking fruit bat. Oh, and I almost forgot, a very old cannibal named Sarapul. If that isn't strange enough, there's a god called Vincent who the natives worship.

Mr. Moore reminds me of a literary version of the famed Coen Brothers who have created such odd, funny movies as Fargo and The Big Lebowski. I find the author's works very enjoyable simply because it's impossible to know how the story is going to unfold. Pretty much, it's the sky's the limit in Mr. Moore's hilarious novels. There is no taboo he isn't willing to skewer. Heck, I don't even assume that the main protagonist will not be killed somewhere in the middle of the story. The first two-thirds of this rollicking adventure is shrouded in the mystery as to why Tuck's faults are suited so well for being the island's pilot. The last third is wondering how it will be resolved.

The book had me laughing on page one and kept it up for the entire work. Mr. Moore certainly has a gift for colorful, hilarious prose. The author has become one of my go-to writers if I'm in urgent need of a light read that is chockfull of laughs. If you've never read a Christopher Moore novel, his fourth work is as good a place to start as any.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #329)

Hard To Digest

(AND YET, ANOTHER FATHER-&-SON MOMENT) 

While Jon and I were driving towards home, I held up the banana peel, started bobbing it up and down on the steering wheel and said, "Hey... Look, Jon. A banana spider."

Jon replied, "Dad, did you know there's such a thing as a Banana Spider?" 

"Really?"

"Yeah. They're really poisonous. The female spider crawls into a banana..."

"STOP! Stop right the fuck there. I don't want to hear it."

"No, Dad, it's interesting. The female spider..."

"STOP!!"

"... it crawls into the banana and lays its..."

"STOP, DAMN IT!"

"... its eggs."

"Thanks a friggin' lot, Jon. Now I'm gonna be freakin' out every time I bite into a banana."

"The eggs hatch while being transported to market and when a person peels the banana the baby spiders come out and bite you."

"Jesus Christ, Jon, I didn't need to hear that."

"The poison is really painful and it takes like two hours before you die."

"It's talks like this that make me regret adopting you guys."

Last Words

If I am fortunate to live a long life and a day comes where I hear someone tell me "We've found a nice nursing home for you," I dearly hope immediately after that sentence is uttered I have the mother-of-all brain aneurysms.

Black Friday

(ANOTHER FATHER-&-SON MOMENT WHILE DRIVING TOWARDS SCHOOL)

Zac said, "Are you okay?"
I replied, "No. My arm hurts a lot."
"Do you want me to drive?"
"Right now, that seems like a viable option to me." The radio was broadcasting a commercial promoting an upcoming Black Friday sale. I asked, "Do you know what Black Friday is?"
Zac replied, "Isn't it when a company goes into the black... their profits?"
I said, "That's right. When a company has spent more money than earned that's called 'being in the red.' If they make more money  than they spend, it's called 'being in the black.' Apparently, a lot of businesses run in the red during the year and the Christmas shopping season pushes them into the black. That's why it's called Black Friday... I think."
Zac deadpanned, "Or maybe it's a holiday where only blacks can shop."
I replied, "That makes more sense to me. You can go shopping on that day only if you're accompanied by an African-American. In fact, that's the main reason Mom and I adopted you and Jon. You know how much we love to shop."
For the record, Monique and I are Caucasian and our two sons are African-American. Also, we'd rather be slathered in honey and staked to an ant hill than go shopping on Black Friday.

A Word From The Wise

There's nothing like intense physical pain to focus the mind on using some good ole fashion profanity.

Fruitless Discussion

Tonight, we were around our kitchen island. Monique and the boys were eating sandwiches from Subway. I was having a fruit.

Monique said, "That looks good. Are those orangutans?"

I replied, "Tangerines... Orangutans? HAHAHAHA! That's one of the reasons I love being married to you. HAHAHA!"

Monique said, "Heh! I'm tired! Don't laugh at me!" Monique worked 18 hours yesterday and today looks like it may be the same. She continued, "Besides, it's the same letters just arranged differently. Right?"

I replied, "Absolutely. Whatever you say. I'm not arguing with a very tired wife."

BOOK REVIEW: Moral Mind-Benders

(Originally published 2009, Paperback edition 269 pages)

Mr. Sandel lays out his case on why dramatic inequality can be corrosive to civic virtue. But before the reader can get to his conclusion the Harvard professor effectively takes you through the three major approaches to moral justice: Jeremy Bentham's (1748-1832) utilitarianism, Immanuel Kant's (1724-1804) libertarianism and a theory developed by an American philosopher named John Rawls (1921-2002). Along this academic journey, the author cites some interesting conundrums that will make you question your beliefs. He addresses such issues as cost-benefit analysis; a volunteer army vs conscription; how free are the choices we make in a free market; the moral quandaries behind contracts; affirmative action in college admissions; Aristotle's teleology; reparations; abortion; stem-cell research; moral individualism vs collective responsibility; and patriotism.

The book is written in laymen's terms and not like some dry, academic dissertation. Despite the work being almost bare of witty wordplay, it is highly entertaining because of the different scenarios he uses to challenge the three major theories. As Mr. Sandel so aptly puts it, "Life in democratic societies is rife with disagreement between right and wrong, justice and injustice." No kidding. All the pissin' and moanin' over what political direction we should go on a myriad of issues is extremely frustrating to either watch or participate in it. Most of the blathering is pundits, politicians or special interests shouting past each other. Mr. Sandel's book helps to put it in perspective but you will need to give it your undivided attention. The reader could easily get lost if your mind daydreams through a few paragraphs. This kind of work isn't everybody's cup of tea. Unsurprisingly, being a philosophical book, it doesn't give concrete solutions. If you like books that challenge your beliefs then you'll probably like it. A person who sees issues in rigid black-or-white scenarios will hate this baby. As for me, it was illuminating and well worth the effort. 

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #328)

Doling Out Christmas Cheer

Would it be wrong for me to give out the do-it-yourself-suicide book Final Exit as a Christmas gift to people I don't like?

I'm Such A Sweetie

I've decided that I want my cremated remains encased in M&Ms candy shells and placed out on our coffee table when unsuspecting company comes over to visit.

BOOK REVIEW: Great Rebuttal To The Ole Stars-And-Bars Apologists

(Originally published 1968, Paperback edition 156 pages)

My 12-year-old son, who is in 7th grade, selected this book from his English teacher's personal class library. It had a huge impact on our African-American son. He as well as his older brother are black and adopted. My wife and I are white. We spent quite a few hours talking about the nature of prejudice and how it manifests in many different ways. I promised "To Be a Slave" was the next one on my list after completing the book I was currently reading. The paradigm for our family is anything goes when it comes to topics we discuss: race, drugs, sex, religion, profanity etc.

Mr. Lester's compilation and descriptions cover the full extent of slavery in America. In their own words, the former slaves describe being abducted from their African homeland; the brutality endured during their arduous trek to North America; the slave auctions; the horrible separation of families to different slave buyers; beatings; plantation life; religious beliefs; Uncle Toms; efforts at resistance; Emancipation and Jim Crow laws. The blunt nature of the stories left a pit in my stomach. Mr. Feelings' accompanying black-&-white drawings add another level of gloom to the work.

Mr. Lester's book is outstanding. It may be tailored for young teens, but the interviews and descriptions supplied by the author are also extremely useful for adults. I seriously question the criteria used for designating certain books as "young reader" material. I read a great deal of nonfiction work and "To Be a Slave" holds up well compared to other books deemed "adult fare." You won't step away from this book without thinking about the darker aspects of the human condition. Educational and riveting stuff packed between this small work that will help anyone understand the true evils of slavery. It's no wonder "this peculiar institution" has left lasting generational scars even up to today.

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #327)

BOOK REVIEW: Jim Crow Crap

(Originally published 1960, Paperback edition 323 pages)

My son's 9th-grade class was assigned "To Kill a Mockingbird" in their English course. It has been over twenty years since I had read Harper Lee's classic and only novel. The small, Alabama town of Maycomb is in the grips of the Great Depression. Jim Crow is alive and well doing its worse by oppressing African-Americans. The story is seen through the eyes of tomboy Scout Finch. It highlights her growth from a six-to-nine-year-old girl. Ms. Lee created a protagonist who still had a child's innocence about the world around her. She isn't just confused about the illogical nature of prejudice but also by many of the social norms of small town America. Scout's dad, the now iconic Atticus Finch, is a poor, 50ish, intelligent lawyer of reason and high morals struggling to raise his daughter and their 13-year-old son Jem. He fortunately has the help of an intelligent black maid named Calpurnia. The climax of the story finds Atticus defending Tom Robinson, an African-American accused of assaulting a white woman.

Ms. Lee, who was born in Alabama, clearly expresses her disdain for many of the South's cultural mores. The story not only shows the actual manner in which blacks were treated, but ridicules the Southern obsession with family lineage and how your place in society is based purely on which hoo hoo you popped out of during birth. The story has some wonderfully colorful and highly believable characters. It harkens back to a tougher, simpler time and how most of these folks tried to live god-fearing, decent lives, but don't have the intelligence or courage to treat blacks as human beings; let alone equals. The N-word is appropriately used quite frequently in the book due to the nature of the times and location of the novel.

Ms. Lee's book is a well-written story that deserves its wide readership. It is also still very relevant in 2012. It would've been inconceivable to 1930 Southerners that less than eighty years later an African-American would be elected President of the United States. The reelection of President Obama just occurred two days ago and some of the very vulgar stereotypes expressed about him (especially on such mediums as Twitter) shows racism is still very much alive and well throughout America. Prejudice manifests itself in many ways. "To Kill a Mockingbird" humanizes the destructive nature that prejudice causes to the victims, perpetrators and bystanders. A great, sometimes funny, suspenseful work of art that challenges readers to look at themselves in the mirror.

 

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #326)

Itchin' For Attention

If you were to ever scratch yourself in public with the same intensity typically used by a dog, big burly men would be tackling you while wearing hazmat suits.

BOOK REVIEW: Impish Artists

 

(Originally published 1996, Hardcover edition 164 pages)

Mr. Hess's and Ms. Northrop's overview of American political cartooning does a fine job of highlighting key periods in its evolution. This is not a book explaining the creative process of editorial cartoonists. There is a treasure trove of useful information and it will give you a better understanding how the art came into its present manifestation. Not only do they cover such luminaries as Thomas Nast, Bill Mauldin, Herbert "Herblock" Block, Pat Oliphant, Paul Conrad, Gary Trudeau and Walt Kelly, but also many excellent, long-forgotten editorial cartoonist who deserve recognition. Drawn & Quartered also places the different styles, publications and symbolism used in the context of their times. It clearly explains how satirical publications such as "Puck" made way for newspapers that were overtaken by television and, now, the emergence of the Internet juggernaut.

The book does not take a politically correct approach in its presentation and simply explains the social mores of the times. The authors had no qualms about showing the missteps made by many cartoonists such as shying away from confronting McCarthyism or becoming Wilson Administration propagandists during World War One. There are plenty of wonderful illustrations between these covers which help clarify and support the history being discussed at that moment. A thoroughly enjoyable, well-written, fun book. If you are interested in understanding the history of this unique vocation, Drawn & Quartered will not disappoint you. 

(Meyers - A few years ago, I started writing, under the pseudonym Franklin the Mouse, short reviews at Amazon's web site. This is my most recent review #325)

Two-Faced

Our son, Zac, is having serious identity issues.

Right Neighborly Of Me

None of our neighbors found it amusing that at 5AM, this fine November 1st morning, I rang their doorbells and said trick or treat.

Tumblies Grumblies

The Three Bears have nothing to worry about when it comes to our two sons eating their porridge. But their leftover Halloween candy? Look the fuck out.